Wednesday, January 20, 2010

surgeon's hands

she's the new surgical intern at the local hospital. for the next 4 years she will have to compete with other 19 interns for residency. it all began when she was 9, when she fell off her horse, and barely survived the incident, and would have died if not for the charming doctor who jumped the fence and came to her rescue. the speed of the doctor's hand, his quick thinking and ultimately his skills captured her heart, and from that very moment she always wanted to be a doctor. her eagerness and enthusiasm awed the attendings since the day she joined this programme (that was about two months ago) until...

attending #1 (the name is unnecessary, and regardless of the name the doctor is simply forgettable to nina, our intern): what have u done?
nina (flabbergasted): i don't know..really..
attending #1: tell me from the beginning!
nina: the patient is diabetic, and required insulin, which i shot at his...his um..
attending #1: his butt! say it!
nina: his butt!
attending #1: and then?
nina: and when i gave him the shot, he simply limped off and he just can't walk!
attending #1: would u care to explain why?
nina: um..because he's allergic to insulin?
attending #1: ...(made a face)
nina: oh um..i don't know.. (nervously...)
attending #1: the mystery was actually solved! u gave him the anesthetic instead of the insulin shot.
nina: haa...
attending #1: a serious thing indeed. you are suspended immediately for a week!
nina: but dr..but..
attending #1: no butts! i don't want to hear anything about butts, especially when you mishandled one. or a pair or it.
nina: i'm sorry..
attending #1: good, see you next week. now butt off.

nina headed to the canteen. on the way, she bumped into the unfortunate patient, and for the sake of this story we shall name him mr.x.

nina: hi mr.x, i'm so sorry about the thing just now..
mr.x: hah!
nina: it's a hectic day, my head is like...i was like numbed! know?
mr.x: well that certainly numbed my backside!
nina: mr.x..
mr.x: was it because i'm indian?
nina: excuse me?
mr.x: are you racist?
nina: hell no! how could i be racist? i love curry!
mr.x: see you just did? indians and curry! god!
nina: no no no i wasn't being a racist! let me explain.
mr.x: hah! get outta my way! the next thing you'll be saying is that you love papadom!
nina: well, the movie papadom's nice..
mr.x: po! ni po!
nina: okay..nice meeting you..

nina continued walking towards the canteen. when she reached there, a group of surgeons at a distant table stared at her, and shouted.. "hey butt-face!" and they laughed hysterically. she came towards the group, and said.. "hey how did you know i like bunkface? nice songs huh?" she smiled. one of the surgeons laughed. "hahaha, ko ni pekak la.". "yea. hey, ko tak makan ke nina? nak roti?" said another. "yea, okay jugak tu, thanks", she took it. the surgeon quickly said, " do you want me to butt-er it for you?" and they burst out laughing again.

and that's when she took the knife from the table and stabbed it through the surgeon's left hand.

[morale: one thing led to another. butt is, i think, paul's favourite topic. cheers! this is fiction.]

Monday, January 11, 2010

astrology eulogy

it was a rainy day. on the streets of kuala lumpur, somewhere in bukit bintang, a fine young man was walking, ever so slowly. he held his big ol' black umbrella in one hand, and his briefcase in another. it was indeed a very cold evening. so cold that even his suit couldn't protect his skinny, fragile-looking body from being tormented by the unforgivable cold rain. one step after another, he was taking his own sweet time.

it was already 7pm, and he just got back from home. if it was up to him, he would love to go back early. but it is the nature of his profession. he loves his job only because of the money. and if it was up to him, he would take a different path. but his mom..

well, certainly you can't always get what you want. i bet even god couldn't get it right. it's like '..and on the seventh day god created man, and it's been downhill ever since'.

he was tired, and so he sat down at a nice coffee shop, and ordered espresso. while waiting for his cuppa, he took out a folded newspaper from his briefcase, and flipped right to the sports section. "hahaaha", he laughed to himself, in a state of disbelief that the so-called red devils were tamed like a kitty by leeds united. shame.

a girl walked into the cafe. she took off her coat, and sat at the table at the corner. he glanced at the girl, and then returned his attention to his paper. he flipped to the astrology section. he motioned his index finger slowly to look for his star, the libra. there, it read

'..someone you meet today will change your life completely.'

"sir, your expresso..", said the waitress, who out of nowhere appeared beside him.
"oh, well...thank you".
"anything else, sir?"
"that'll be all..", he smiled, and she left.

the girl who sat at the corner table woke up and left. but her coat was still on the table. "miss!", but she was wearing earphones, and she was already out the door.

"i'll be back." he said to the waitress. he walked to the corner table, took her coat and ran out of the cafe. when he stepped out, he saw the girl turned left into the crowd. he followed. the crowd was moving against him, which made it more difficult. she was getting farther.

then he saw her turned into a back alley. he slowed down. slowly he walked towards her. realizing someone was following her, she looked back. he quickly hid himself behind a dumpster. she took out a cigarette, and lighted it.

she was standing in the middle of the alley. then he saw someone walked towards her.

"kau ada bawak barang tu?" the man asked her.
"ada". she checked her pockets. and suddenly she panicked.
"hey mana dia, jangan buang masa aku".
"tadi aku letak dalam coat aku, mesti tertinggal dekat cafe tadi!".

the man grabbed her throat. "berani kau buat lawak ye! kau jangan tipu aku! mana dia?". he unclenched his hand and pushed her to the ground. "i swear, it was with me.." she pleaded. "aku....ack..aaaahhh!", her scream echoed in the alley. the man pierced a blade through the girl's stomach. the man ran away. so was he.

he just witnessed a murder! he couldn't think properly. and he just needed to run away.

he was running near the end of the alley, towards the main road, when people nearby who heard the scream came rushing into the alley, towards him. he bumped someone, and fell down. a purse from the pocket of the coat he was holding fell out and flipped open. someone from the crowd picked it up.

"dah bunuh dia, nak lari ye!?".
"eh bukan aku, orang lain! orang lain!".
"penipu! habis kenapa barang dia ada kat kau, hah!?", and the crowd threw punches and beat him up mercilessly.